Laura, this is for you...

My dear friend, Laura Robertson (whom I met after my son knocked out her son and gave him a concussion...long story) wrote a wonderful post in her blog about her testimony. (Her blog is linked to mine.  Just click "Written Not with Ink" and that's her.)  After I commented on what a SUPERB job she did, I get this friendly little thank you with a "Oh and this is your friendly encouragement - write a post dangit" note on my Facebook wall.  SO, Laura, this is for you.

I wish I could say my testimony was as vanilla as Laura's.  (Read hers first and you'll know what I mean.)  To carry on her analogy, Baskin Robbins ain't got enough flavors to cover mine!  No, I've never done illegal drugs or anything like that.  However, I've always said that Paul wrote he was the "chiefest of sinners" only because I hadn't been born yet.  It's not that my life has been "bad" or anything like that.  It's just that, unlike Laura, I have had lots of struggles with my faith, and still do.

When I was 6, Mom and I were on our way home from a revival meeting at church (Dad was working).  Baptists are like Resuscitator Annie, always needing to be revived.  We got revived at least once a year.  Mom and I had driven one block from the church, and I blurted out, "Take me back, Momma!  I'm going to hell!"  So, we went back to talk with our pastor, Bro. Sutton.  (Now, I had talked to Bro. Sutton about a year previously one night after a baptism, but that's just because I wanted to be baptised because it looked like swimming inside and I thought that would be really cool!)  I remember sitting in the secretary's office talking with Bro. Sutton.  Mom was with me.  I remember praying, and when I finished, the choir was rehearsing for the next evening's song.  They were singing, "The King is Coming" and I looked up and said, "And I'm ready."  

I've always thought too much.  As I got into Junior High, I really began wondering about God, Jesus, and all of what I was hearing.  I would go to church camp and see people get really excited, but it would only last a couple of weeks and they'd be like they were before they went.  I would watch people work and work in the church only to complain about who wasn't helping.  I wondered if this really weren't some way of controlling the masses, you know?  Spiritual crowd control.  Or some big recruiting thing, like "Be on our team and this is what you'll get."  Being someone who really doesn't like confrontation, I'd go along and usually be happy, but I'd always wonder.  The more I learned, the less I knew.  

But a curious thing always happened to me. It happened then and continues to happen to this day.  I believe it is God's unique way of reassuring me in the way I need that He is real.  It seems like every time I seen someone in need of comfort, HE is what comes to mind.  In 9th grade, we had "The Jupiter Effect," the day all the planets aligned.  Some people thought the gravitational pull would tear the planet apart.  Me?   I was just nervous about playing for the choirs at competition that day.  It was the last period when we arrived back at school, and I went to my last class.  I saw a friend of mine named April sitting on a table looking very worried. I asked her what was wrong and she talked about being afraid to die.  She asked me if I were.  I said, "Nope."  Just like that, it fell out of my mouth.  She asked why. I shared with her the love of Christ and she accepted Him as Savior right there in the junior high cafeteria.

That summer, a friend named Lisa went to Music Camp with me.  After our cabin devotional one night, I noticed Lisa went straight to the bathroom. I followed her.  We went to a nearby cabin that was empty.  I asked her what was bothering her.  Stupid me...I thought it was a guy or something!  She said, "I don't know what anyone is talking about when they say they are saved.  Saved from what?"  Again, I just told her of the love of Christ, and she accepted Him as Savior.

Fast forward to my last year in graduate school.  A friend of mine named Beth was driving us back from the prison where we worked.  It was a rainy Friday afternoon.  She recently had a death in her family and asked if I were scared to die. "Nope," again came right out of my mouth. She asked why, and I simply shared the love of Christ.  As soon as we were out of the construction zone, Beth pulled over to the shoulder of I-10 and, in the rain, accepted Christ as Savior.

Just a few months ago, I had two patients, one my last patient on Thursday and the other my first patient on Friday, ask me "Just who is Jesus."  I told them and they both accepted Him as Savior. One said, "I never knew that God's love was Jesus!"  

I don't recount these times because I'm some sort of uber soul winner "on fire for God."  No, I recount these for a very different reason.  You see, in each of these, and in countless others, when my faith was at its lowest, God affirmed to me who HE is by humbling me to share Him with others.  Their reactions are undeniable.  They weren't merely interested; they were CHANGED!  This is no coincidence.  This is God demonstrating His love toward us, toward me.

So, how am I sure God is real?  Every time someone who is confused, hurting, scared, doubting...in whatever state they were, they responded the same way when I told them that Jesus loved them enough to die for them.  When I doubt, God puts someone in my life toward whom I feel an overwhelming unction to share Christ, and their response is the same, and my faith is strengthened.

God affirms His presence when I humble myself, get out of the way, and let Him do the work because His work is far better than anything I could ever do.

So, Laura, if you're vanilla, think of me as the mint chocolate chip and gold medal ribbon with hot fudge, caramel, butterscotch toppings whipped cream, sprinkles, and a cherry to top it all off!

Why Some Christians Keep Me In Business!!!

I really shouldn't read my hometown newspaper, but I did.  I had just woken up from a hydrocodone induced nap with my knee on which I had surgery yesterday throbbing and my head hanging off the side of the love seat pillow.  I may have even been drooling.  I staggered on my crutches to my Mom's table to try and wake up and I read one article about a nearby school board and it was really ticking me off (won't go into those details).  So, I turned the page and read this title: "Free of Charge, a Non-Medical Cure for Depression."  Sure enough, it was by a guest columnist who is a retired PASTOR!  (How did I know? I would grit my teeth but I'd bite my tongue that's in my cheek.)  Well, I just had to write.  I wanted to write a letter to the editor, but my mom gave me one of those looks, so I decided to write in my blog for now.  The letter may still be in me.


To summarize the article, if you have Jesus you'll never be depressed, and a person cannot have conflicting emotions at the same time.  The retired pastor wrote, "Few know about (this claim based upon a promise made by Jesus) because most of the 85 percent of the American people who claim to believe in the Bible have neglected to read it."  Well, I must be part of the 15% who do read it, and I wonder what Bible the retired pastor is reading because it ain't the same as mine!  Honestly, I don't even know where to begin in response to his article, so I'll just start from the beginning and work my way to the end.

Ignorance is understandable.  A person is ignorant when they lack knowledge or training in a particular subject.  I am ignorant in a lot of areas because it is knowledge I have never been taught or researched on my own.  Ignorance can be fixed or overcome by providing a person with necessary information.

Senseless, on the other hand, is failing to use reason and sound, practical intelligence even after being presented with the information needed to no longer qualify someone as ignorant.  Dogma received without question is senseless to me.  Dogma can easily become "the commandments of men" Jesus referred to in Matthew 15 when he said, "Why do you trangress the commandment of God because of your tradition...Thus you have made the commandment of God of no effect by your tradition.  Hypocrites!  Well did Isaiah prophesy about you saying, 'These people draw near to Me with their mouth and honor Me with their lips, but their heart is far from Me.  And in vain they worship Me, teaching as doctrines the commandments of men'" (Matthew 15:3b, 6b-9).  I have to wonder how many of the statements made in this article were traditions passed down rather than truly researched.


To believe that depression can be cured by salvation is as ludicrous as believing cancer or high blood pressure can be as well!  Dear Mr. Retired Pastor, depression is an illness, not just a blah day. It has specific criteria that must be met, criteria that have nothing to do with one's spiritual state.  It is debilitating on its own, without having "Good Christians" like you adding to it through senseless, misplaced GUILT!!!


Do you have any idea how much of my practice is spent trying to undo damage done by "well-intentioned Christians" such as yourself?  It practically keeps me in business!  From the grief-stricken who have to hear "It was God's will" to the devastated who endure "God won't put more on you that you can bear," I hear day in and day out the pain and agony that "well-intentioned Christians" put people through simply because they cannot manage their own anxiety enough to keep their mouth shut!  They feel it is their duty or that God is leading them to say something of comfort, so they open their mouths and this unscriptural drivel runs out!  


Why unscriptural?  First, just how do they know what is God's will and what isn't?  “As the heavens are higher than the earth,  so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts" (Isaiah 55:9).  Sounds like He knows His will a lot better than we do.  And the whole "God won't put more on you than you can bear" bit, try II Corinthians 1:8-9: "We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead."   Sounds rather depressed to me.  He promised that we would not be tempted without a means of resisting; He never made the same promise about burdens.


And about this rubbish about not being able to feel more than one emotion at a time?  Do you have any scripture or evidence to back that up?  No?  I do.  First of all, have you ever talked to someone who is grieving?  Have you ever sat with them through trying to comprehend how they can feel such profound sadness and relief at the same time?  I have, too many times to count.  I have talked with parents who have lost children, siblings who have lost siblings, spouses who have lots mates, and the list goes on and on. I have held their hands as they try and grasp all the complex and contradictory emotions that are flooding over then like a tsunami carrying devastation in its wake, trying desperately to drown out the impact of words thrown out by well-intentioned Christians who can't just sit and let someone cry.  "Even a fool is considered wise when he keeps silent, discerning, when he seals his lips" (Proverbs 17:28 HCSB).  Or, as Abraham Lincoln paraphrased, "It's better for a man to think you're a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."


I have no doubt...

Forgiveness Part 5 - Why is it so hard???

One thing I know from personal experience is that forgiveness is genuinely given and received, it is like someone stopped standing on my air hose.  Seriously.  If you were living in my skin, you would know that I have had more times to be on the receiving end of forgiveness than should be humanly possible.  I've always said that Paul wrote that he was "the chiefest of sinners" simply because I hadn't been born yet!  I have received forgiveness from my husband, my child, my parents, my friends...the list truly is ad naseum.  However, one thing I have noticed is that although asking for forgiveness has become easier, it still can be hard!  And being the one to forgive can be even harder! 

If true forgiveness is so restorative and uplifting, why is it so difficult?  As I've pondered this question, I realized I was looking at the content or specifics regarding different scenarios.  So, I had to ponder harder (which can make my brain hurt and lock up, by the way) to understand the process underlying these scenarios.  I prefer the simplest explanation because it's one my brain can comprehend.  From my perspective, the reason forgiveness can be so difficult is due to two factors: Pride and Fear.

The definition of pride to which I am referring is an "inordinate opinion of one's own dignity" (thank you, again, dictionary.com).  An inordinate opinion of one's own dignity...even the definition itself explains why forgiveness can be so difficult to ask for or enact, yet it offers the solution to make it easier and more authentic! Many people refuse to apologize because they would find this humiliating. They refuse to sacrifice their dignity because of pride.  The key word in the definition of pride is "inordinate."  In this case, many think they will be humiliated because they have a sense of dignity that is not within reasonable limits.  Perhaps they believe their standing relative to another person will be threatened, so they do not approach another in humility so the relationship can be restored.


Another reason people refuse to seek forgiveness still involves pride but in a different way.  They do not deem themselves worthy of forgiveness.  They believe that they have committed such wrong that they shouldn't be forgiven.  Again, this is unreasonable because their view of themselves is far beneath another person rather than seeing themselves simply as one who made a mistake.  They berate themselves rather than humble themselves.  Anxiety is felt when the possible threat of danger is detected, so the anxiety (i.e., fear or apprehension) is felt because of the perceived danger to their dignity.


People, also, can refuse to forgive others for the same reasons, pride and fear.  Some may prefer the "one up" position they perceive to be in when someone asks their forgiveness.  It gives them a sense of power they do not want to give up.  Some may have perceived themselves in a lower position relative to others, and having someone indebted to them levels the playing field, so to speak.  Again, the key word is inordinate, unreasonable.  People are people, and people are flawed.  To avoid the trap of pride, the focus needs to be dignity of both self and others; not the inordinate dignity of pride but genuine dignity.


Dignity resides in respect for both self and others and an understanding of the importance of forgiveness.  Everyone has been on both sides of forgiveness.  Dignity is the force that enables us to forgive because we know how it feels to be forgiven.


Fear plays another role in why forgiveness can be difficult.  Sometimes we are asked to forgive a hurt that seems too great to bear.  Perhaps it is a hurt that is recurring.  We forgive someone only to have them hurt us again in the same way.  Forgiveness does not mean to set aside reason and discernment.  We can forgive someone of a wrong yet the relationship that is restored is more realistic.  If the offense is recurring, we can choose not to trust that person with our personal thoughts and feelings.  We can discern that the risk of intimacy is too great.  Forgiveness still is enacted because we are not holding a grudge about a past offense.  However, wisdom dictates greater caution in relating to the person who continually harms us.  We still have the freedom and authority to take care of ourselves physically, emotionally, and socially.  If the only reason we won't forgive is because we fear being hurt, we risk living in isolation from others as well as ourselves.

Forgiveness Part 4 - Repentance and Enactment

It seems like forever since I have been able to write on my blog again, and when I did, *POOF* the post went away.  So, this is Part 4, Take 2...  


I have loved reading the comments on previous posts.  Of course, I appreciate the praises, but I also appreciate just as much the challenges.  Honestly, I find comfort in the challenges because it's nice to know other people have some of the same types of questions and hang-ups as I do.  I plan to address all of the comments, at least my take on them, but I anticipate that my response will be interwoven through several posts and subjects.  If not, let me know and I will make it a matter of more focused attention.


{Good, the server is saving this post.  Hopefully, it will not escape into oblivion like the other one!}


First, I am going to summarize briefly my previous posts on forgiveness.  It has been my experience that forgiveness is a much understood topic.  My intention in writing this series is to help myself and others understand what forgiveness is and what it is not, and how to enact forgiveness in our lives.  I am basing my position on the example that is given to us by God and Christ.  God is ready to forgive because He was not caught by surprise.  He knew what would happen and had a plan of forgiveness already worked out, which is why He is ready to forgive when asked.  God also confronts us when we need it, causing us to examine what we have done.  Now, for the hard part...


In my experience, the major sticking point in forgiveness is the debate regarding whether a person needs to ask for forgiveness before they can be forgiven.  In one camp, people argue that forgiveness is a heart issue, and if you wait on the other person to ask for forgiveness, you are holding a grudge.  Therefore, no, you can (some would say must) forgive someone without their having to ask.  Obviously, my tent ain't in that camp.


Let's take another look at Luke 17:3, "If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent forgive them."  I think this is rather clear--forgiveness is dependent upon repentance.  Forgiveness without repentance is condoning.  So, is Jesus telling us it is okay to hold a grudge?  Not hardly.  In verse 4, Jesus says, "Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.”  OUCH!!!  Oh, I would have such a hard time with that!  Who am I with the "would",  I DO have a hard time with that.  It seems the disciples did too because their response was, "Increase our faith!" (Luke 17: 5b).  So, it's either hold a grudge or be a doormat?  Not at all.


Jesus was referring to having a spirit of forgiveness, but this, I believe, is where the misunderstanding truly lies, in understanding what forgiveness really means.  When something is forgiven, it is over and done.  No more claim is laid against what has been forgiven.  No more resentment is held or expressed.  All debts are cancelled and payment no longer is required.  This is the heart of salvation, God's forgiveness extended through the sacrifice of Christ.  Once accepted, our debt of sin is cancelled, having already been paid at Calvary.  No more separation.  No more debt.  When God forgives, He forgives completely.  He has taken it upon Himself to keep this promise, "For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more" (Hebrews 8:12).  How does an omniscient being forget?  He doesn't.  He knows our sins but takes complete responsibility for the forgiveness of that debt and never again lays it to our charge.  That is the enactment of forgiveness from a God who is ready to forgive.


We, on he other hand, have to work through the hurt, anger, pain, and sadness (among other thoughts and emotions too numerous to list) before we can enact forgiveness.  If we take forgiveness too flippantly, we will say we forgive too quickly, without working through all of that STUFF and we really will not have forgiven.  We merely will have postponed the confrontation or will continue to avoid it.  Either way, fellowship is disrupted.  That is what forgiveness is, a restoration of fellowship.  This is why repentance is required.  


What if the person never asks for forgiveness or, worse yet, doesn't think they have a reason to ask for forgiveness.  (Please recall that this is not about little slights or small misunderstandings.)  Is holding a grudge the only recourse we have?  No.  We, too, can become ready to forgive.  We can do the hard work of facing our hurt, pain, and anger, knowing that when and if the person comes to us and asks, we are more than willing to enact forgiveness and move forward.  We hold a grudge only when we nurture and nourish reasons to feel all of those negative feelings.  We hold a grudge when we dwell on what the person did to us.  As long as we are dwelling on this, we are not ready to forgive even if we are asked.  We're simply stewing in a pot of pseudo righteous indignation flavored with a few of our own jacked up juices!


It usually is at this point in the conversation that someone from the other camp mentions that Jesus from the cross said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing" (Luke 23:34a).  They use this as the basis for their argument that repentance is not necessary for forgiveness.  I disagree in their interpretation of this passage.  I think that Jesus was referring to specific people doing a specific act at a specific point in time.  The remainder of that verse reads, "And they divided up his clothes by casting lots" (Luke 23:34b).  The "them" is Jesus' statement was the "they" in the next statement.  I think that Jesus was reminding His Father to forgive the soldiers who were literally, not symbolically, nailing Him to the cross because that was necessary for the plan and price of forgiveness to be complete.  He was reminding His Father that He was dying for them as well, asking God to forgive them if they repent, and not holding them to a different requirement because of what they were doing to Him at that time.  This is the ultimate example of having a forgiving spirit, of being ready to forgive.  (For a more detailed account of my perspective on this, please refer to the post "Was God a Bad Dad?")


So what happens if we are ready to forgive yet the other person does not ask?  We do our part.  We work to be ready to forgive.  We don't dwell on the wrong or the hurt.  We can be cordial and courteous, even continuing to confront them, but we cannot condone for the sake of a false peace.  We may have the overwhelming desire to forgive and restore the relationship, but the relationship or fellowship will not be as it was unless both are willing to work toward truth and understanding.  It truly is a heart issue.


And what happens if they ask but we are not ready to forgive?  We tell them the truth.  We tell them that we appreciate their apology but we have to work through some "stuff" (a good psychological word, by the way) before we can truly forgive.  Then when we are ready, we go to them and enact forgiveness.


And what happens when we enact forgiveness?  We take upon ourselves the responsibility for our own memories and emotions as they arise and no longer lay it at their feet.  It may take a while to trust them again, if ever we trust them like we did before.  As the person proves they are trustworthy, our trust in them will grow.  If the person continues to wrong us in the same way, we can forgive, but we will be more careful with whom we place our trust.  We do have to be good stewards, especially with ourselves and our relationships.  We may no longer harbor resentment, but this does not mean that we have to allow ourselves to be hurt over and over.  We are to be "wise as serpents and harmless as doves" (Matthew 10:16b, KJV).


Genuine forgiveness is much more than a "that's ok" or a "don't worry about it."  It is a representation of the forgiveness we receive from God, and it is required in authentic relationships.  Having a forgiving spirit is not being a doormat to be walked on at will; rather, it is being the person that others know when you say they are forgiven, they truly are.

Forgiveness Part 4 - Repentance and Enactment (Grrrr)

I just spent an hour and a half writing, hitting the "Save Now" button periodically, but getting an error in saving message.  I kept writing, thinking I would publish it and go back and edit.  It didn't publish.  So, all of the work went into oblivion.  I'll try and recreate it later.  Right now, I'm not ready to forgive the blogspot server.

Forgiveness Part 3 - The Confrontation

When many think of confrontation, they think of something bad or destructive between people.  After all, the first definition of the word "confront" is "to face in hostility or defiance" (dictionary.com).  Often, this is the point at which people stop the work of forgiveness.  


However, confrontation does not have to be destructive.  In fact, the constructive nature of confrontation is what Jesus was referring to when he said, "If your brother sins against you, rebuke him."  Jesus knew that for fellowship to be restored, forgiveness is necessary, and confrontation is an essential part of the process.  When confrontation is seen as "a meeting of persons face to face" (dictionary.com), the restorative nature of confrontation begins to emerge.


God did not avoid confrontation.  God in His omniscience knew that humanity would betray Him by choosing to leave innocence by pursuing evil.  When that happened, God was ready to forgive, but to do that, He first had to confront.  "Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden.  But the Lord God called to the man, 'Where are you?'" (Genesis 3: 8-9).  To me, this is the most tragic and wonderful verse in the Bible.  It is tragic that God had to ask, and it is wonderful that He did.  With just a simple question of "Where are you?", God confronted Adam.  He sought a face to face meeting with the one who betrayed Him to enact His plan of forgiveness.  "The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them" (Genesis 3:21).  Not only did God forgive them, He presented His plan of redemption for all of humanity by shedding innocent blood to cover man's transgressions.


Jesus was the plan.  In Ephesians, Paul wrote that Jesus was God's work to be ready to forgive. Before the foundation of the world, Jesus was chosen to be the work of forgiveness.  Jesus said to Zaccheus, "For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost" (Luke 19:10).  He was seeking just as His Father did when He asked, "Where are you?"  Jesus came to find us.  Jesus came to save us.  Jesus came to make a way for God to forgive us by paying our debt for us.  


Confrontation does involve risk.  If you confront another, you do risk being faced with hostility.  Jesus was met with great hostility, as was Paul, Peter, and the rest of the Apostles. Having the courage to confront does not insure a restoration of the fellowship with another person.  Much of that is dependent upon how the other person receives the confrontation, regardless of how appropriately the confrontation is made.  Consider these two vastly different outcomes.


Peter's Message
On the Day of Pentecost when the church was empowered by the Holy Spirit to carry out the Great Commission that Jesus had given them before His ascension, Peter addressed the crowd.  He confronted them for what they had done to Jesus.  "'Therefore let all Israel be assured of this: God has made this Jesus, whom you crucified, both Lord and Christ.'  When the people heard this, they were cut to the heart and said to Peter and the other apostles, 'Brothers, what shall we do?  Peter replied, 'Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins'" (Acts 2: 36-38a).  Peter confronted; the Holy Spirit convicted; the people repented; God forgave them; and the relationship and fellowship within the first church was added to and multiplied.


Stephen's Message
Stephen was "a man full of God's grace and power" who also confronted people of their sin.  However, unlike Peter's experience, the response from the people he confronted was not restorative.  Stephen was seized and taken to the Sanhedrin where he stood trial for blasphemy.  False witnesses arose against Stephen.  He responded by making the case for Christ.  "When they heard this, they were cut to the heart, and they gnashed at him with their teeth" (Acts 7:54, NKJV).  Stephen confronted; the Holy Spirit convicted; the people did not repent; God could not enact forgiveness; the people stoned Stephen; and Jesus stood for him.


Confrontation is risky.  The same experience of conviction, of being cut to the heart, produced two radically different results.  Resolution of the conflict and restoration of the relationship are not guaranteed.  However, God does not expect us to control what another person does or how they respond; rather, God does expect us to be ready to forgive, to take the risk of seeking a face to face meeting, and to allow His Holy Spirit to do His work.

Forgiveness Part 2 - Ready to Forgive

Many people hold themselves to an unrealistic expectation--they expect themselves to be like God. I am not talking about being Christ-like, living life in such a way that points others to the grace and mercy of God provided by the self-sacrifice of Jesus and His resurrection defeating death and hell.  I am talking about people expecting themselves to have qualities of God that we humans do not have--omniscience, omnipotence, and omnipresence.  It seems that the expectation of omniscience is what really impairs people in their understanding and application of forgiveness. 


Many people expect themselves and others to enact forgiveness immediately after an offense.  They remind themselves and others, or are reminded by others, that God forgives and so should they.  Matthew 6: 14-15 is used almost as a threat of mortal peril.  "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." The pressure is on!  If I don't forgive right now, God won't forgive me!  If you don't forgive me right now, God won't forgive you.  OUCH!  Now that's pressure! 


However, people forget one thing.  We are not God.  Perhaps that's why Jesus followed up His admonition to forgive with His warning not to judge others.  If we hold others to an impossible standard, we will be held to that standard as well.  The standard of which I am speaking is the one characteristic of God mentioned previously that we do not have, omniscience.


"For You, Lord, are good and ready to forgive, abundant in mercy to all those who call upon You" (Psalm 86:5).  Ready to forgive...I think this phrase is of utmost importance in understanding forgiveness and the first step in being a person with a truly forgiving spirit.  Keeping in mind that God is ready to forgive, consider Ephesians 1: 3-4a, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight."  Before the creation of the world...this is the second phrase of utmost importance.  Regardless of how one views the creation of the world, the main point is that God knew what was going to happen before it ever did.  He knew what would happen when He created humanity.  He knew that humans would not remain innocent, that we would understand good and evil by choosing evil, and He already had a plan to redeem us because we would not be deemed worthy of being in a relationship with Him.  He knew before we sinned, and that is the key difference and why the standard of immediate forgiveness is unrealistic.


Ready to forgive...Before the creation of the world...


We humans are not omniscient.  We do not know what will happen before it happens.  We do not have the ability to know and plan ahead of time.  We need time to be ready to forgive.  If we do not take that time, we do not offer forgiveness; we make a statement that we cannot mean because we we were not ready to enact forgiveness.  Obviously, I am not referring to small slights; rather, I am referring to what Jesus meant when He said, "If your brother sins against you, rebuke him" (Luke 17: 3a, NKJV).


When Jesus said "sins against you," what exactly did He mean.  I don't know exactly what He meant, but I have a clue found in Proverbs 6: 16-19: "There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him:

• haughty eyes,
• a lying tongue,
• hands that shed innocent blood,
• a heart that devises wicked schemes,
• feet that are quick to rush into evil,
• a false witness who pours out lies,
• and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers."

Have you ever been on the receiving end of someone who was insultingly arrogant? 

Have you ever been lied about?

Have you ever been abused or had a loved one harmed or killed by another?

Have you ever been betrayed or exploited?

Have you ever been the victim of someone who deliberately chooses to wrong you?

Have you ever been in court, whether a court of law or a metaphorical court of peers, and someone who knew the truth lied about you?

Have you ever been in a situation in which someone stirs up trouble in your family, church, work, or group of friends?

If so, then your work to be ready to forgive begins.