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It seems like forever since I have been able to write on my blog again, and when I did, *POOF* the post went away. So, this is Part 4, Take 2...
I have loved reading the comments on previous posts. Of course, I appreciate the praises, but I also appreciate just as much the challenges. Honestly, I find comfort in the challenges because it's nice to know other people have some of the same types of questions and hang-ups as I do. I plan to address all of the comments, at least my take on them, but I anticipate that my response will be interwoven through several posts and subjects. If not, let me know and I will make it a matter of more focused attention.
{Good, the server is saving this post. Hopefully, it will not escape into oblivion like the other one!}
First, I am going to summarize briefly my previous posts on forgiveness. It has been my experience that forgiveness is a much understood topic. My intention in writing this series is to help myself and others understand what forgiveness is and what it is not, and how to enact forgiveness in our lives. I am basing my position on the example that is given to us by God and Christ. God is ready to forgive because He was not caught by surprise. He knew what would happen and had a plan of forgiveness already worked out, which is why He is ready to forgive when asked. God also confronts us when we need it, causing us to examine what we have done. Now, for the hard part...
In my experience, the major sticking point in forgiveness is the debate regarding whether a person needs to ask for forgiveness before they can be forgiven. In one camp, people argue that forgiveness is a heart issue, and if you wait on the other person to ask for forgiveness, you are holding a grudge. Therefore, no, you can (some would say must) forgive someone without their having to ask. Obviously, my tent ain't in that camp.
Let's take another look at Luke 17:3, "If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent forgive them." I think this is rather clear--forgiveness is dependent upon repentance. Forgiveness without repentance is condoning. So, is Jesus telling us it is okay to hold a grudge? Not hardly. In verse 4, Jesus says, "Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.” OUCH!!! Oh, I would have such a hard time with that! Who am I with the "would", I DO have a hard time with that. It seems the disciples did too because their response was, "Increase our faith!" (Luke 17: 5b). So, it's either hold a grudge or be a doormat? Not at all.
Jesus was referring to having a spirit of forgiveness, but this, I believe, is where the misunderstanding truly lies, in understanding what forgiveness really means. When something is forgiven, it is over and done. No more claim is laid against what has been forgiven. No more resentment is held or expressed. All debts are cancelled and payment no longer is required. This is the heart of salvation, God's forgiveness extended through the sacrifice of Christ. Once accepted, our debt of sin is cancelled, having already been paid at Calvary. No more separation. No more debt. When God forgives, He forgives completely. He has taken it upon Himself to keep this promise, "For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more" (Hebrews 8:12). How does an omniscient being forget? He doesn't. He knows our sins but takes complete responsibility for the forgiveness of that debt and never again lays it to our charge. That is the enactment of forgiveness from a God who is ready to forgive.
We, on he other hand, have to work through the hurt, anger, pain, and sadness (among other thoughts and emotions too numerous to list) before we can enact forgiveness. If we take forgiveness too flippantly, we will say we forgive too quickly, without working through all of that STUFF and we really will not have forgiven. We merely will have postponed the confrontation or will continue to avoid it. Either way, fellowship is disrupted. That is what forgiveness is, a restoration of fellowship. This is why repentance is required.
What if the person never asks for forgiveness or, worse yet, doesn't think they have a reason to ask for forgiveness. (Please recall that this is not about little slights or small misunderstandings.) Is holding a grudge the only recourse we have? No. We, too, can become ready to forgive. We can do the hard work of facing our hurt, pain, and anger, knowing that when and if the person comes to us and asks, we are more than willing to enact forgiveness and move forward. We hold a grudge only when we nurture and nourish reasons to feel all of those negative feelings. We hold a grudge when we dwell on what the person did to us. As long as we are dwelling on this, we are not ready to forgive even if we are asked. We're simply stewing in a pot of pseudo righteous indignation flavored with a few of our own jacked up juices!
It usually is at this point in the conversation that someone from the other camp mentions that Jesus from the cross said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing" (Luke 23:34a). They use this as the basis for their argument that repentance is not necessary for forgiveness. I disagree in their interpretation of this passage. I think that Jesus was referring to specific people doing a specific act at a specific point in time. The remainder of that verse reads, "And they divided up his clothes by casting lots" (Luke 23:34b). The "them" is Jesus' statement was the "they" in the next statement. I think that Jesus was reminding His Father to forgive the soldiers who were literally, not symbolically, nailing Him to the cross because that was necessary for the plan and price of forgiveness to be complete. He was reminding His Father that He was dying for them as well, asking God to forgive them if they repent, and not holding them to a different requirement because of what they were doing to Him at that time. This is the ultimate example of having a forgiving spirit, of being ready to forgive. (For a more detailed account of my perspective on this, please refer to the post "Was God a Bad Dad?")
So what happens if we are ready to forgive yet the other person does not ask? We do our part. We work to be ready to forgive. We don't dwell on the wrong or the hurt. We can be cordial and courteous, even continuing to confront them, but we cannot condone for the sake of a false peace. We may have the overwhelming desire to forgive and restore the relationship, but the relationship or fellowship will not be as it was unless both are willing to work toward truth and understanding. It truly is a heart issue.
And what happens if they ask but we are not ready to forgive? We tell them the truth. We tell them that we appreciate their apology but we have to work through some "stuff" (a good psychological word, by the way) before we can truly forgive. Then when we are ready, we go to them and enact forgiveness.
And what happens when we enact forgiveness? We take upon ourselves the responsibility for our own memories and emotions as they arise and no longer lay it at their feet. It may take a while to trust them again, if ever we trust them like we did before. As the person proves they are trustworthy, our trust in them will grow. If the person continues to wrong us in the same way, we can forgive, but we will be more careful with whom we place our trust. We do have to be good stewards, especially with ourselves and our relationships. We may no longer harbor resentment, but this does not mean that we have to allow ourselves to be hurt over and over. We are to be "wise as serpents and harmless as doves" (Matthew 10:16b, KJV).
Genuine forgiveness is much more than a "that's ok" or a "don't worry about it." It is a representation of the forgiveness we receive from God, and it is required in authentic relationships. Having a forgiving spirit is not being a doormat to be walked on at will; rather, it is being the person that others know when you say they are forgiven, they truly are.
I have loved reading the comments on previous posts. Of course, I appreciate the praises, but I also appreciate just as much the challenges. Honestly, I find comfort in the challenges because it's nice to know other people have some of the same types of questions and hang-ups as I do. I plan to address all of the comments, at least my take on them, but I anticipate that my response will be interwoven through several posts and subjects. If not, let me know and I will make it a matter of more focused attention.
{Good, the server is saving this post. Hopefully, it will not escape into oblivion like the other one!}
First, I am going to summarize briefly my previous posts on forgiveness. It has been my experience that forgiveness is a much understood topic. My intention in writing this series is to help myself and others understand what forgiveness is and what it is not, and how to enact forgiveness in our lives. I am basing my position on the example that is given to us by God and Christ. God is ready to forgive because He was not caught by surprise. He knew what would happen and had a plan of forgiveness already worked out, which is why He is ready to forgive when asked. God also confronts us when we need it, causing us to examine what we have done. Now, for the hard part...
In my experience, the major sticking point in forgiveness is the debate regarding whether a person needs to ask for forgiveness before they can be forgiven. In one camp, people argue that forgiveness is a heart issue, and if you wait on the other person to ask for forgiveness, you are holding a grudge. Therefore, no, you can (some would say must) forgive someone without their having to ask. Obviously, my tent ain't in that camp.
Let's take another look at Luke 17:3, "If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent forgive them." I think this is rather clear--forgiveness is dependent upon repentance. Forgiveness without repentance is condoning. So, is Jesus telling us it is okay to hold a grudge? Not hardly. In verse 4, Jesus says, "Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.” OUCH!!! Oh, I would have such a hard time with that! Who am I with the "would", I DO have a hard time with that. It seems the disciples did too because their response was, "Increase our faith!" (Luke 17: 5b). So, it's either hold a grudge or be a doormat? Not at all.
Jesus was referring to having a spirit of forgiveness, but this, I believe, is where the misunderstanding truly lies, in understanding what forgiveness really means. When something is forgiven, it is over and done. No more claim is laid against what has been forgiven. No more resentment is held or expressed. All debts are cancelled and payment no longer is required. This is the heart of salvation, God's forgiveness extended through the sacrifice of Christ. Once accepted, our debt of sin is cancelled, having already been paid at Calvary. No more separation. No more debt. When God forgives, He forgives completely. He has taken it upon Himself to keep this promise, "For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more" (Hebrews 8:12). How does an omniscient being forget? He doesn't. He knows our sins but takes complete responsibility for the forgiveness of that debt and never again lays it to our charge. That is the enactment of forgiveness from a God who is ready to forgive.
We, on he other hand, have to work through the hurt, anger, pain, and sadness (among other thoughts and emotions too numerous to list) before we can enact forgiveness. If we take forgiveness too flippantly, we will say we forgive too quickly, without working through all of that STUFF and we really will not have forgiven. We merely will have postponed the confrontation or will continue to avoid it. Either way, fellowship is disrupted. That is what forgiveness is, a restoration of fellowship. This is why repentance is required.
What if the person never asks for forgiveness or, worse yet, doesn't think they have a reason to ask for forgiveness. (Please recall that this is not about little slights or small misunderstandings.) Is holding a grudge the only recourse we have? No. We, too, can become ready to forgive. We can do the hard work of facing our hurt, pain, and anger, knowing that when and if the person comes to us and asks, we are more than willing to enact forgiveness and move forward. We hold a grudge only when we nurture and nourish reasons to feel all of those negative feelings. We hold a grudge when we dwell on what the person did to us. As long as we are dwelling on this, we are not ready to forgive even if we are asked. We're simply stewing in a pot of pseudo righteous indignation flavored with a few of our own jacked up juices!
It usually is at this point in the conversation that someone from the other camp mentions that Jesus from the cross said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing" (Luke 23:34a). They use this as the basis for their argument that repentance is not necessary for forgiveness. I disagree in their interpretation of this passage. I think that Jesus was referring to specific people doing a specific act at a specific point in time. The remainder of that verse reads, "And they divided up his clothes by casting lots" (Luke 23:34b). The "them" is Jesus' statement was the "they" in the next statement. I think that Jesus was reminding His Father to forgive the soldiers who were literally, not symbolically, nailing Him to the cross because that was necessary for the plan and price of forgiveness to be complete. He was reminding His Father that He was dying for them as well, asking God to forgive them if they repent, and not holding them to a different requirement because of what they were doing to Him at that time. This is the ultimate example of having a forgiving spirit, of being ready to forgive. (For a more detailed account of my perspective on this, please refer to the post "Was God a Bad Dad?")
So what happens if we are ready to forgive yet the other person does not ask? We do our part. We work to be ready to forgive. We don't dwell on the wrong or the hurt. We can be cordial and courteous, even continuing to confront them, but we cannot condone for the sake of a false peace. We may have the overwhelming desire to forgive and restore the relationship, but the relationship or fellowship will not be as it was unless both are willing to work toward truth and understanding. It truly is a heart issue.
And what happens if they ask but we are not ready to forgive? We tell them the truth. We tell them that we appreciate their apology but we have to work through some "stuff" (a good psychological word, by the way) before we can truly forgive. Then when we are ready, we go to them and enact forgiveness.
And what happens when we enact forgiveness? We take upon ourselves the responsibility for our own memories and emotions as they arise and no longer lay it at their feet. It may take a while to trust them again, if ever we trust them like we did before. As the person proves they are trustworthy, our trust in them will grow. If the person continues to wrong us in the same way, we can forgive, but we will be more careful with whom we place our trust. We do have to be good stewards, especially with ourselves and our relationships. We may no longer harbor resentment, but this does not mean that we have to allow ourselves to be hurt over and over. We are to be "wise as serpents and harmless as doves" (Matthew 10:16b, KJV).
Genuine forgiveness is much more than a "that's ok" or a "don't worry about it." It is a representation of the forgiveness we receive from God, and it is required in authentic relationships. Having a forgiving spirit is not being a doormat to be walked on at will; rather, it is being the person that others know when you say they are forgiven, they truly are.
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