Forgiveness Part 1 - Introduction

In my profession, the topic of forgiveness often arises.  How to forgive...Whether to forgive...Can I forgive...Is forgiveness deserved...All of these questions and more arise.  Misunderstanding and guilt also arise when this topic is mentioned, mostly from Christians burdened by a weight of "shoulds" and other imperatives placed upon them by themselves and others, most of whom are well-intentioned.  Well-intentioned or not, much emotional damage still is done when recitations of untried platitudes abound.


I have seen people wracked with guilt because they thought they should forgive soon after discovering or being told about a trusted and/or loved one's betrayal, for example.  Trying to forgive before they can sort out the reality of their life and all of the contradictory emotions of grief often leads to denial of their right to feel, denying themselves the right to their own experience.  Fearing that they, in fact, are sinning because they feel angry, hurt, confused, and saddened, they turn these feelings inward, often becoming depressed with only a hollow forgiveness as a shelter, and this only when the offending other actually acknowledges their wrong, demonstrates remorse, and asks for forgiveness.  


I also have seen people struggling with trying to forgive someone who has not asked for forgiveness, sometimes cannot ask because their life already has passed from them.  They hear from well-meaning people and often pulpits that forgiveness is their responsibility, and this is true but not entirely.  Not wanting to hold a grudge, people offer a blanket forgiveness, which really amounts to condoning the wrong that was done and leaves the person nursing a resentment that they do not want or living in a denial that they do not need.


So, what is a person to do?  I grappled with with this question for years.  I have studied, read, contemplated, and prayed.  Even though I do not propose to have the answer, I have reached a position that makes sense, at least to me.  Now, I will try to put my thoughts on the proverbial page and let others try it.  I beseech others to critique it, try my logic, and point out any inconsistencies because it is through this that we learn and better understand.  It is not enough for me to simply receive what I have been told; rather, I must understand for myself, and the perspectives of others improves understanding.  


In this essay, I will posit my understanding of forgiveness based on the example of God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.  Upon this foundation, I will attempt to demonstrate how people can apply it in their own lives, no matter the circumstance or the actions and attitudes of others involved.  As you may imagine, this will be a more lengthy process than one blog entry, so I will publish it in parts.  After all, who wants to read a book on a blog post?